Happy couple post less about their love life on Social Media!

Dating

In this era, where social media (SM) is a big part of many people’s daily life, we face some challenges on distinguishing real from fake. I am certainly not condemning SM, as it has its fair share of value. Thanks to social media, we are able to stay in contact with friends and family, share special moments in our life, promote our business, expand our network, open our minds to new jobs possibilities and many more. See ? We all love it in some way or another.

Let’s step into the love birds circle. We all know a couple or two who take pleasure on bombarding our news feed with pictures, post and repost followed by #relationshipgoals. What we always notice is that, they only post happy/perfect moments. I know some of us may all be guilty of that: taking a bunch of pictures and posting only the best shot. Clearly, those post are not necessarily an indicator of how happy they might be. Why do you think, happy couples on the other hand post less about their relationship on Social Media ?

No need for external validation

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Some people like to post about their daily activities just to show off how happy and successful their relationship is. So that, when they get all these likes and comments it boosts their ego and they feel content. It could make them feel better but it is a feeling that will not last. Let’s think, about it will you ? Convincing others that you are happy, is it really happiness ? Are you using your partner to show to the world that you are loved and attractive? The appearance of the perfect life is only an illusion and seeking external validation, will do more harm than good.

Busy being happy

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Unless you are recording yourself 24 hours non stop, when you are having a blast, you are too focus on the present moment to think about taking a picture or a video in order to share it on SM. If you hear a joke you normally don’t stop to snap the joke. Are you trying to make your ex jealous by portraying an happy relationship? Or are you proving something to someone else ? The result being that if you are genuinely happy in your relationship you have nothing to prove to anyone. You enjoy spending real time with your significant other because every little moment counts

Keep arguments on private mode

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Have you ever heard of the saying “Don’t air your dirty linen in public”? Before washing machine, we used to wash our clothes by hand. It could be embarrassing to wash dirty laundry in front of the people who are just visiting. It’s the same thing about sharing your couple’s issues online, for any of your family member, friends or strangers to see. As a couple, you are more united and strong when you resolve your arguments in private. Of course when it gets out of hand and you need real advice, it’s better to go to a professional or to someone who is trustworthy. Sharing it on a post and ranting about your partner’s behaviour or actions has never done anyone any good. Plus you will look foolish in front of the world.

Nowadays, there are a lot of public couples that are starting youtube channels together or that are blogging about their life. In order to grow their channel and reach more people, it is expected of them to interact and post regularly about their life. Even if you are not a social media celebrity, it’s perfectly fine to share some awesome moments with your boo. You just have to reflect on the ulterior motive of your post, because being happy in your relationship shouldn’t make you search for external validation. It won’t matter what they think because you know you are happy without any exception.

Relationship is not a marathon

Dating

Let me start by saying that we should not compare our self or our life to anyone else. You may know some of your friends getting married this year, having kids and or planning on buying a house together. You may feel like you have not achieved anything yet.  It is not true! Let’s start this New Year with a positive spirit and you will see how everything will fall into place.

For my single readers

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You are single and you feel like you need to find that one mate that will make you happy and make you feel fulfilled?

Being alone doesn’t necessary means that you are lonely. This is the time for you to discover yourself in any way possible: spend time doing what you love and try new things. We never know you may expand your list of hobbies or passion. Focus on building yourself spiritually and/or physically to become your higher self.  You can worry about yourself and decide to be selfish for once but be careful, spend your time wisely. Learning new skills could be another advantage of having time on your hands.  Don’t rush into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. You should know how to make yourself happy and to then you will be able to properly enjoy the company of another.

For my in-relationship readers

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You are in a relationship and you feel the need to climb the ladder in the same pace as others? You feel bitter and think that your relationship may not be special if he has not proposed yet?

Enjoy the present moment and ask yourself if you are happy or not. We should not measure our happiness in the amount of gifts we receive or by the title we carry (fiancé, husband or wife.) It is true that the end goal is to be united and to found a family. It is essential for people to discuss their goal and expectations when they get into a relationship. Having a healthy relationship involves two fully grown human beings, who aren’t pressured into doing anything, who care about each other and enjoy time together.

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Either you are single or in a relationship, I just want to let you know that it’s really ok to go at your own pace. There’s no rush my friend, just enjoy yourself. The bottom line of this is to realize that we are living our life for us not for anyone else. We are bound to make mistakes on the way and learn from them. We should not be scared of what others may think of us but live our life to the fullest and have no regrets.

 

 

Separation is hard but the reunion has an exquisite taste

Dating

Long-distance relationship

Most of the people that I meet, tell me that they do not want any long distance relationship, as they believe it is doom to fail. It is indeed difficult for both partners to be apart for an extended period of time but I am one of the few people who believe that it is possible to make it work. It may vary on the situation in which you find yourself in, the type of connections you both have and the willingness for both parties to make it work.

My boyfriend of 5 years had to go abroad to pursue higher education and we will be apart for a whole year. At first, it did not seem like much but as more time goes by, I feel the hole getting bigger. We used to spend all our free time together and now, we do not have that luxury.

If you find yourself in the same situation, just know that you are not alone in this. Let me share with you some tips that are helping us make our long distance relationship work.

Talking on the phone everyday

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Communication is a great asset and I feel like it is one of the positive outcome that long distance relationship brings.

Visiting each other

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Since he is going to school, he does not have any real time off, I will be the one travelling during my time off at work. Last time that I went to visit him, I was so happy seeing him again in front of me after so long, 4months to be exact. Us, been together again was like fireworks, rainbows and butterflies everywhere. That is the best ethical way I can describe it.

Keep the flames burning by sending seductive and flirtatious text or contents to each other   

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It does not automatically means that you have to send nudes to each other on snapchat. Feel free to do so if that is what fulfills that e excitement in the relation. In my opinion, nothing brings that passion more like teasing texts filled with sexual provocative descriptions. Feel free to share your preferences and suggestions on ways to spice things when you are miles away.

These are some interesting points that we are naturally implementing in our one year journey apart from each other. There are many more ingredients used in the sauce to make this experience as enjoyable as we can. For those in the same situation, I invite you to share one of your tips or tricks.

Please run away from a toxic relationship

Dating

“If you don’t talk back all the time, I would not have to hit you in the first place.”

Domestic violence is a sensitive subject to talk about but it is necessary to do so. Hearing about anyone being physically abused in a relationship is heartbreaking. On the other hand, learning that someone you personally know, one you deeply care about, has been in that very same situation is a completely different story.

Recently, a dear friend of mine confessed that she was not happy in her marriage because of her husband’s infidelity and abusive behaviour towards her. I listened to her carefully, although I will admit that I often kept interrupting her since I couldn’t contain my anger with respect to the situation. While there are two problems at play in her marriage; I will leave the discussion on infidelity for another day, and simply focus on the abusive behaviour she has had to deal with.

Despite the fact that my friend did not share every little detail on how she has been abused, I tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together on my own. After hearing all she had to say, I believe she has been mentally and physically abused by her controlling and obsessed husband. I asked her the obvious question, one that everyone else has already asked: “Why not leave?” Her excuse is that she does not want her child to grow up without a father, which is keeping her from leaving her husband. Her excuse for him is simply that “… at least he is taking good care of our son.”

She is in pain and she knows that there is a problem in her life. Unfortunately, I feel like she does not fully acknowledge that her husband’s behaviour is a problem. Therefore, it will be hard for her to take action. I cannot compel her to do what is the best thing for her if she doesn’t realize it herself. I can only help her along the way.

I asked her where does she see herself in 5 years? If the life she envisions is positive or negative? She calmly answered “Negative’’.

I told her that she is beautiful, intelligent and that she is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She was once such a strong independent women who did not need any man’s acceptance to live her life. The conversation moved her; I know that by the expression on her face. However, it felt like she did not believe the compliment or that her life was in danger if she remained with her husband.

I gave her endless possibilities to look into if she were to leave her abuser. She could only reply “I will think about it.” I tried every approach I can think of to make her realize that she is not helping her kid by staying in this situation as she thinks she is. That man has too much power over her. She does not listen to anyone, neither family nor friends.

I asked her what is the real reason for not leaving? Besides bringing up her child, according to her, he will change and that he told her: “If you do not talk back all the time, I would not have to hit you in the first place.” She added that she actually, tried it. When they start a heated argument, she thinks about what he said and stops replying back. She then noticed that he is slowly calming himself down. Her conclusion was that she would be at peace if she does not talk back and follows what he wants.

 

I explained to her that it is normal to make compromises in a relationship but what she is doing is not the type of compromises you normally make in a relationship. It pains me to say this but I learn that you cannot help those who do not want to help themselves.

We are all in a “not so perfect” relationships wanting to reach a life of ‘happily ever after.’’ I would like to invite you, dear readers, to give me bits of advice on how to better help my friend without frustrating her.

Are you in a similar situation? Do you know someone who is in an abusive relationship or has suffered from domestic violence? Please feel free to drop a comment below. Your comments can benefit others and myself who have found themselves in similar situations.